Monday, July 23, 2012

3x5 Folded Card

Signature Sentiments Thank You Card
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Monday, June 4, 2012

I'm always missing you baby :'-(
Going back to work- It has been the hardest thing to think of. I think It will be harder than the 16 hr labor and csection I went through eight weeks ago. I have been so attached to him, so cozy with him that the thought of leaving breaks my heart more and more. Today I have been crying... Even though he thinks I'm playing with him because I'm trying to be strong and trying not to worry him. He knows when I am upset. I feel that now my life revolves around him. Around everything that he does, says or breathes. As I type I am watching him sleep and I cant think of being away from him 8-9 hrs a day. I just cant. I think Doctors should diagnose this as post partum depression. Do they even have a name for this? I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I wish that the government can some how compensate for those companies that do not pay your pregnancy leave or put any money on your state disability. ugh. I wish that the economy wasnt so unstable so I can just stay home full time. But the world isn't perfect. I want to be able to provide everything for him. The best clothes, the best diapers, the best of me and that is not an option if I am not working. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to miss me, but at the same time I don't want him to hurt if i am not around. I want him to have me at all times. Gosh this sucks. I thought i'd be coping by writing about it, but its not working. I guess this too shall pass... Right? Tonight will be a night of prayers so that I don't break down at the wrong moment. 
I love you baby boo.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Hi Baby! You are one month old today!. I can't believe how fast these past four weeks have passed and where have they gone?? I guess when we cuddle and play time seems to go in fast motion and there I can't seem to push the pause button! It seems like yesterday that I had you in my belly and you were having a party in there... It seems like yesterday when me and daddy drove to the hospital to welcome you to this amazing world full of color and fun stuff! I can't believe the trooped you have been, all that you have gone through! From getting stuck to come out on your birthday, to all the pokes you had to go through to make sure you were healthy, to the times you had to come home with two inexperienced parents! You are amazing and I love you so much!. Before you, I had no idea nor did I believe that love at first sight existed, but once I met you outside of my belly, I fell more in love with you than I was when you were in my belly :P - It is true and this is not a biased opinion but you are in fact the cutest, most handsome and most beautiful little man in the world and I am honored to be your mom. With that being said, no girl out there is enough for you, only me... only me... jk
So many things have changed since you were born... For starters, I was always prioritizing my job rather than my own life, and I would come home late and daddy would be waiting, now I don't even want to go anywhere if you aren't there, so how am I going to go back to work? Ugh how hard is this going to be... I guess I have to grow up and let you go for 8 hours a day huh? I don't know how I am going to do it, please show me how. Also, I never knew how much more I could love daddy, but once you came out of my belly, I realized that my heart wasn't all the way full with love, because I love him so much more now that we made you, such a beautiful thing. I am honored to be your mom and here is a checklist of things I want to accomplish for you!
I promise to:
have cuddle time with you everyday
Always respond to anything you need
Show you all your toys and teach you that they all feel different to the touch
Teach you that being silly is funny most of the time and we will get a kick out of it
Make sure you know how much daddy loves you 
Have tummy time
Guard your dreams (and nap time)
Protect you from everything (I'll do my best)
Kiss you and tell you I love you as much as possible
Never take you for granted
Always thank God for having you
Always believe you when you say you don't feel so well
Stay up with you at night until you fall asleep
To write you letters
To always celebrate your birthday bigger than the year before
To keep adding to this list and never give up on being the best mom I can be

A couple of milestones he has achieved so far... Go OVER-achiever!
Hold his head up when on tummy time or burpy time or anytime really! this has been pretty much since birth!! Now he is a lot stronger of course! - It freaks Jon out!
kicks with both feet when laid on his back
Knows who mommy is and who daddy is... 
Follows images with both eyes... pretty much just us - I guess we are pretty darn interesting huh?
poop six to eight time a day (generally the same color and consistency as last week)
Move arms and legs equally
Cooing (not just crying)
Holding head steady when upright.
Root for the bottle when he knows is near him or when root when he is hungry (the right direction)
Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Welcome to the world!
Whew... I made it through roughly 38 weeks! (seemed a lot more) I found out I was pregnant last year and it has been nothing like I had expected! The first few months were ugh! not to remember! Everyday was a hassle to get through; from the on going flu symptoms I had, to the asthma, to the restless and horrible parched look I had. The flu symptoms were the worse! I was so congested all the time that I was not able to taste or smell for straight 4 months and the congestion was so bad that my nose was chapped and red from blowing it so much.. ugh! At this point pregnancy clearly did not suit me at all! :( - around November is when I started feeling him, it happened right after Jon spoke right to my tummy and he kicked right back... it was the most surreal feeling ever! I felt so lucky as it was a feeling only I could experience with baby L... right then it felt as if he was saying "mommy, I'm right here!" Right after 16 week mark, my symptoms almost subsided except for the usual night ..tmi vomit. I felt great~ all I wanted then was eat and my appetite came back, i was able to smell and taste, YUMMMM! I was craving cookies and chocolate and of course, had it all! At this poing he started getting so rough and strong! some kicks could be seen from feet away and my belly looked like an alien was in there! he would kick so much that  Jon would get freaked out and would give me this "ugh that looks painful" look haha.. Then fast track to 35 weeks and little by little I started getting swollen and by week 38 I was so swollen that I had gone from 130 pounds pre pregnancy to 187 pounds!!! omg I don't understand how I could have retained that much water!
D-Day - 4.10.12
We arrive at the doctor's office at 9am on Tuesday for them to break my water per my Doctor's recommendation because baby L was already so big and my blood pressure had sky rocketed. It was one of the scariest moments of my life because I had no idea what 'breaking the water' entitled! He tried twice unsuccessfully and said that if the third time does not work, id have to come back in the pm.. ugh I was already in pain and frustrated that I basically prayed for the third time to work even though I was not looking forward to that plastic stick he was pretty much shoving up in there! - Finally! the third time worked and told us to head to the hospital and everything kicked in fast gear, including my contractions... oh boy do they hurt! I thought I had felt them before but nothing like this! it feels like you are being gutted alive.. oh gosh! I felt like such a wimp because not even after an hour of walking around the hospital, i was already asking for the juice aka epidural goodness cocktail.... oh my goodness, I was so afraid of it throughout my pregnancy, but it was crazy how i was in this weird trance while my contractions were kicking that I was not even concerned about the epidural... it hurt less than my IV being put on 3 times because they could not find a good vein. After the juice kicked in, the waiting game began....

It wasn't until 10pm that I started pushing and after two failed hours of constant pushing, I developed the shivers, a fever and felt sick... I literally vomited all over my nurse twice. ugh! how embarrassing! I gave her a two second warning letting her know i was feeling sick, and she could not get ready for me. I feel so bad to this date because I still don't remember her name. I was so sick that I pretty much do not remember much. Finally the doctor came to check on my and I cried to him letting him know I was not feeling well. He then recommended the c-section that I had not mentally prepared myself for, and I hyperventilated for two minutes before surrendering to what was going on and just go with the flow.... Before I was wheeled out, I snuck in a last boost of epidural from the little remote control i was given because I wasnt sure if i was going to hurt or not and to my surprise, the anesthesiologist came and gave me a second epidural!!! by the time that one  kicked in, i was on cloud 9-100.... I did not even know what language I was speaking and before we knew it, Baby L was born.   -4.11.12 at 1:21am [19 3/4", 8.1lb]
After a few days of Baby L being in the NICU because I had a 104 fever while in labor, they finally released him to be with me the last two days of my stay at the hospital and I had to get a blood transfusion because I did not replenish my lost blood from the csection fast enough and also was under close watch for having such high blood pressure... It had skyrocketed from 110/80 to 160/111 .... I guess I developed pre eclamsia after labor thank goodness. Finally on Saturday night we were allowed to go home to enjoy our new life as a family of 3 and the rest is history!! The first night of having the baby home was the hardest as I did not know why he was crying, so the first night I got 0 sleep, and was in so much pain from the epidural that I was on lots of medications, so those days are a blur to me! So this is my L&D story! Welcome Baby L, I love you so much and all that I went through is nothing compared to the joy you have brought us!...
Things achieved:
1.Experience natural labor
2.Experience an epidural
3.Experience a csection
4.Being awake while entering a surgical room and
looking directly at those scary lights
5.hearing my baby cry for the first time
6.kiss my baby for the first time
7.Experience the urge to push
8.Experience real contractions
9.Grow up from a child to an adult in 15 hours
10.Meet the most handsome, beautiful Little man in the world
11.Set everything aside for someone else and not care
12.Experience love at first sight
13.Fall in love again with someone you are already in love with
14.Experience being courageous, strong and vulnerable at the same time

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Done creating this page!
Now I just need to post and I have so much to talk about! from the crazy experience of my pregnancy, to the most amazing 4 weeks of my life when my sweet baby sprout was born and the time I have spent bonding with him... I absolutely love all of it!!! Please stay tuned and thanks for following!